mrs. weasley

Garage Dwellers

Our neighbors probably think we are extremely strange, but guess what neighbors? We think you are equally as weird.

The reasons they think we are weird:

• We come and go at all hours. No schedule at all. They never know when to expect us. When we come home I pull into the garage and shut it immediately like I have something to hide.
• We have matching scooters. One pink, one orange. Gay. (Can I say gay in a blog post?) We are also members of a scooter club.
• Alan takes pictures of mushrooms in the front yard. I am not really sure why either. I actually thought that was strange myself.
• One night I saw a black widow outside the garage. As I was talking on my cell phone, I grabbed a shovel because I was going to kill it. I didn't kill it and decided to quit after I took a few swings at it.
• One morning I was heading out to my car with all of my stuff for work. I was late-like I am everyday. I didn't notice that the garage didn't open all of the way. One of the panels was still down. As I was backing out I heard a huge noise. When I got out I realized the garage caught the antennae of my car and my car was stuck under the garage door. I freaked. It took me a few minutes of evaluating the situation to decide what to do. I knew if I pushed the garage button again, it would go down. The roof of my car went down so I figured I could keep pulling out with damaging any more of my car.
• When Alan was bringing in the groceries on day. The garage didn't go all of the way up...again. We finally got that fixed. He wasn't paying attention and ran right into the garage door. He hit it so hard with his head that his glasses flew off. He also had a mark on his hat where it hit. When he told me that story I couldn't stop laughing.

The reasons our neighbors are strange:

• I hate to tell you that your garage isn't a living space. You don't need to have your couch, tv, computer (complete with desk and chair) out in the garage. That is what you have a house for. Why are you always out there? It doesn't matter what time I am coming or going you are in the garage.
• When I say "hi" to you and wave, you are supposed to do the same and not stare at me like I am an idiot. (even though I am)
• Please stop buying ice cream everyday from the ice cream man. I am tired of him coming everyday, blocking my driveway, sitting there while you buy your spongebob squarepants ice cream for you and your daughter. I don't think popeye the sailor man should be a song the ice cream man plays unless he is selling spinach.
• Every weekend you have a huge party (Friday and Saturday). I don't like having your friends with all their cars blocking my driveway. Since I am paying the mortgage on my house, shouldn't I be able to pull into my garage? Hmmm. I also have to work on Saturdays so if you could keep it down with the yelling and swearing, that would be appreciated.
• I am glad you have ATVs. I am glad that all you do is tear them apart and work on them in your front yard. I have never seen you ride them anywhere except down the street when you are drunk. Interesting.

I could keep going, but I won't because I am tired.

Just when I thought I had seen everything...

Many of you know that I am a dental hygienist. I have seen many ridiculous, disturbing things working in the dental field. There isn't a whole lot that can surprise me anymore. When I was a dental assistant we had a patient that would only come into the office to have teeth pulled out. Normally, he would pull them out at home and only come in when he needed some help. Interesting. It never crossed my mind to pull my teeth out with a pair of pliers.

Today I saw a rather interesting patient. From the get-go she had a completely bad attitude. She makes me (Betty Bad A) look like a pansy. As I was cleaning her teeth I noticed she still had bands around her molars from braces. I knew that she had to have just gotten her braces off because her teeth were straight. I wondered why the orthodontist didn't take those bands off. Then I noticed all the globs of cement on each tooth. I asked her when she got her braces off. She proceeded to tell me SHE took them off a couple of months ago when she decided she was done with them. She had used pliars to get them off. Neat. If I were a parent I would be ticked if this was my daughter. That was only the beginning.

I went up front to ask her mom if she knew her daughter had taken them off. She told me she knew and she told her to take them off because the insurance wasn't going to pay for them anymore. The daughter had the braces put on in Rhode Island where our tax money paid for them (she was on state insurance). Their family moved out here and found out that the state of Arizona wouldn't continue to pay for them. And that is why she ripped them off. The mom started to yell in the lobby of the dental office about how the state of Arizona doesn't cover anything. She told us that moving to Arizona was a huge mistake because all of her welfare benefits are better in Rhode Island. She plans on moving back there as soon as possible to receive those awesome benefits once again. She babbled on for a good 20 minutes making herself look completely ridiculous. You have no idea the things that I wanted to say to this lady. And this is why I love my job and who knows maybe my next post will be from Rhode Island.

Getting to know me because I know you want to.

We had a "get to know you" activity at church Tuesday night for the Young Women. The leaders had to write down five things about themselves and the Young Women had to guess what leader it was. Here is what I put down plus a little extra.

1. When I was five years old my mom let me put on Lee press on nails. (Do they even have those anymore?) Well, I decided I was going to pick my nose with them on. The nail broke off of my finger and got stuck up my nose. I ended up going to the emergency room to get the nail taken out. It was only a little embarrassing. The doctor told me in the emergency room that a kid earlier came in there with a meatball up his nose.
2. I love to travel. My favorite place that I have been is Germany. I also love to go to San Francisco.
3. My first kiss was when I was 19 years old. I ended up marrying the guy that I first kissed. (Lucky him). I am the only girl that he has ever kissed. (How lame) After Alan kissed me for the first time, my reply was "Ew, yuck, I think I am going to throw up." That was his first clue he should have run far away from me.
4. Alan and I dated for about a year before he left on his mission. He came home on a Thursday. That Sunday he gave his homecoming talk and later that night he proposed to me. He had no ring and no money. What was I thinking?
5. I went down to Guatemala to do some volunteer dental work and one day on the way to the site where we were doing the work, we were robbed at gunpoint. I didn't tell Alan until a couple of days before I came home because I didn't want to go home. I loved it there and would probably do it again.

Free Car

I have decided that I hate my car. Anyone that wants it can have it. It makes me crazy. Ever since my accident there are so many rattles and irritating noises. I am always glad when I don't have to ride in it. I turn the radio on to drown out the noise, but I can still hear the rattling.

No wonder I now have to take crazy pills.

Yours truly,

Weasley

It's coming. Brace Yourself.